300 Summit Ave #3: Home of the Summit Ave Ballers

I spent the better part of the day filling bags with trash and organizing the seemingly infinite possessions in my small apartment. When you’re a member of the last group of roommates in a three year stint, there are a lot of unclaimed, useless items have remained hidden in cupboards and drawers. New roommates have filled the void as old roommates have departed in a wake of semi-useless items that carried no real value except a memory long forgotten. There were rental applications and receipts from Spring of 2005; Jagermeister necklaces, shamrock Mardi Gras beads, and Frozen Hangover Helper Eye Covers; cookie tins, coffee containers, and kitchen appliances that have collected so much dust the brands were hard to read; pieces of furniture too heavy to lift that defy the odds of a third floor apartment; and of course menus from restaurants that have gone under, soup that expired over a year ago, and a bucket of all-in-one Margarita Mix that should never have been purchased. Thankfully, there was very little emotional attachment, mostly dust, decay, and laughter as I wondered, "Who purchased this, why on Earth did they purchase this, and furthermore, why is it still here?"

I plan to sell most of the useful items of craigslist, although a moveable storage unit is not out of the question. I know the trash man will come to me with open arms in the eleventh hour on Wednesday morning, but I’d rather pass these items on to the new rightful owner. It is far more worthwhile to find a living room for a small end table that I found on the streets of Newburyport, than to send it to be splintered in a landfill. You would think that the information superhighway would allow me to effortlessly shrug these possessions off onto another, but finding a willing recipient is not as easy as it seems. Why search for an unfinished piece of hacked-together wood, when you can purchase the same piece of schlock at Target for fifteen bucks? (and they’ll take it back, if you don’t like it!) We live in an easy come, easy go consumer market. The cheap discount stores are chock-full of cheaply made, quasi-nice items that will be trendy for a few years. Why carry around your possessions, when you can purchase them brand new with minimal cost and effort?

So what are these ridiculous items, you ask? Anything that I might be interested in, Mr. Take My Crap Or I Will Throw It Away? Nice guilt trip, jerk! I appreciate your eco-preservationist-bullshit attitude and I prepared to make a donation that I will regret until I move out prematurely leaving my ex-roommates a present.

This "food processor" is not only heavy, awkward, and funny looking, but we don't cook.

What you can't see is that there are four pie servers, a cheese cutter, and bendy straws. First of all, who bakes. Secondly, who cuts cheese without a knife. Finally, are we in elementary school?

Do you have a hankering for some good Barley Grass with a side of Brewer's Yeast?

I couldn't justify the Spirulina and Soy Protein Powder without a true testament to the nature of the Summit Ave Ballers.

Aren't you curious about the half filled bottle of "Poland Springs" or the "Red Pucker's Bottle?" Don't be! There is nothing but misery in each of those containers.

So what did I learn from all this? Buy things, move out, leave them for someone else to deal with, and don't worry about it. Most of the crap in your life is just that. I have just as many memories from photographing these images (and a lot more that are in my personal collection) as I would if I had the tangible object in my possession.

Pack light for the journey because there are always more things to pick up along the way...

Also, on sale at 300 Summit Ave #3, The Summit Ave Ballers in all their splendor and glory!


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