You never really cry until you’re ready.

Last night at my goodbye party, I had a strong sense of emotional loss. I could feel the end of an era as time was winding down. I knew how much effort and care I had put into this community of my friends and at the end of the night it would be gone. I wanted to cry, but it hadn’t hit me. I was feeling the weight being slowly lifted off my shoulders and it was bittersweet. We had accomplished so much, forged so many great relationships, and spent so many hours together working for the same goal. And in the end, it hurts to leave. It always hurts. The tears are the embodiment of that sadness and relief as you cross that threshold. Because once you’ve crossed that threshold, things will never be the way they used to be. Our actions are temporal and it is only in the existence of time and age that we realize when it’s over.

And as I read the kind words of wisdom and good luck passed by my friends, I began to realize I was a memory: a fond memory of success, hopefully, but more importantly, a memory of someone who was really striving to do the best that he could given the circumstances. Not for himself, but for the love of company and of the company. When you’re passionate about what you do, and lead a purposeful existence, no matter what passion or purpose, you will always be able to live life fully. A man with a vision is a visionary. And we are all men and women with visions. Embrace that swagger and live at the edge!

But can you realize that these are the tenets to live by when you’re living, or is it only when you’re leaving? The beauty of the moment is that it is temporal just like our actions; time and age are but a myth. They matter not and they matter most, but it is in our perception of what matters that we are able to live life fully, live life satisfied, and to be honest, ball out of control!

So as the tears flow down my cheeks with my fingers flick away, I embrace the melancholy as I cross into the unknown. The support and the good wishes will sustain me on my journey, and the memories will provide me with fodder for the fire. I am excited for the opportunity and possibility in my life and I know the compassionate interdevelopmental relationships that I have created in this community will sustain me.

The melancholy is an inevitable result and an important step in the ladder on the way to the next threshold. It was an experience to be a part of in our corner of time, and the best part of it all, is that though the people come and go, the institution remains forever. So, thank you for the memories, thank you for the good times, thank you for being there, and thank you for this melancholy.


Blogger HerrSlam said...

Sorry I missed the party, Big Baller. Truth is, I know you aren't leaving: you're exploring. Finding yourself, as all of us must. And I know that where you find yourself, there I will find you too. And we will have a beer to celebrate that fortuitous coincidence.

Check out Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet". You of all people will really enjoy it. Try for starters "The Coming of the Ship" - I've linked it here. I think you'll see the resonance.


Be well, baller, brother.

4:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry I couldn't make the party Max. I look forward to reading all about the trip. Thanks for the knowledge, patience and friendship over the past 14 months. You made the hotel a special place to be.


9:32 AM  

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